Dating Older Women in Australia, and How to Do It Well

Start here

This page is written for the men on this site who want to do better than they currently are. Most of you are younger than the women you are writing to. That is the whole premise of the site and nobody needs to pretend otherwise, but it is not by itself a reason for anyone to reply to you, and treating it as one is the single most common mistake here.

It is not a page about what is on offer, because the women here are not on offer. They are in their fifties, sixties and seventies, they joined for their own reasons, and they are deciding about you at the same time you are deciding about them.

That is not a lecture. It is the practical starting point, because almost every mistake that costs men replies on this site comes from forgetting it.

The maths nobody explains

A woman on a site like this gets many more messages than a man does. She is not reading them all carefully, because she cannot. She is skimming for a reason to open one. That is the whole game, and it means your message is not competing on charm, it is competing on being obviously worth opening.

What makes a message worth opening is specificity. Something from her profile that you actually read. Something about you that could not be copied and pasted to somebody else. One question that is easy to answer and is not about her appearance.

What a good first message does

Three or four sentences. It shows you read the profile, without quoting it back like a form letter. It says something real about you, ideally the thing you would say to a stranger at a counter lunch rather than the thing you think sounds impressive. It asks one question she can answer in a sentence.

It does not comment on her body. It does not open with what you are looking for physically, even if that is the honest answer, because the honest answer belongs on your profile where she can read it before deciding to reply. It does not say she looks good for her age, which is an insult wearing a compliment's clothes.

Saying what you want, properly

Plenty of men here are looking for sex. Saying so is fine and hiding it is worse, because finding out three weeks in wastes her time and yours. The place to say it is your profile, in a plain sentence, not in a first message to a stranger.

The difference matters. On your profile it is information she can use to decide. In a first message it is a demand she did not ask for, and it is the single most common reason a man on this site gets no replies at all.

The four things that end it fastest

• Opening with sex, or with a comment about her body.
• Sending a photograph nobody asked for. This is the one women mention most and it ends the conversation every time.
• Pushing to move to a personal number or another app in the first few messages. It reads as a scam even when it is not, and our safety page explains why she has been told to treat it that way.
• Arguing when told no. A no that is argued with becomes a block and a report, and it is read by a person.

Meeting

When there is a real back and forth going, suggest something small and public at a time that suits her. A coffee, a counter lunch, a walk somewhere with people around. Let her pick the place if she wants to, and tell her plainly that you are happy for her to tell a friend where she is going, because she is going to anyway and saying so removes the awkwardness.

If she says no, or not yet, that is an answer. Accept it in one line and carry on the conversation or do not, but do not renegotiate it.

Where to go next

Mature dating in Australia covers what the site is and what it costs. Mature dating near you covers distance honestly, which is the other half of why messages go unanswered. If you are comparing sites, our guide to dating apps for older women in Australia sets this one beside RSVP, eharmony, Senior Match and Hinge.